It's exam week! Whoo hoo!! Or not.
Well, it's actually not that bad. Although I've failed my first class ever this semester, I'm not that upset. I know that I worked at it, and I just couldn't pull it off. I'll be finishing up my Spanish classes for good on Friday morning upon the completion of my 202 exam. I have to put the finishing touches on a paper for my English Ed class and turn that in by Friday at 3:30 and I'll be one step closer to reaching candidacy to be a certified English teacher! :)
The past few weeks have been intense. My to-do list was as long as the Mississippi (as it always is) and this time, I was really stressing. I cried about once a day for the past few weeks. But thank the Lord, I made it. I always do. When the walls are closing in on you, you realize what you're made of, right?
Amongst the intensity, I've discussed varying topics with friends and some profound things have been said to me, and I decided I needed to document them.
Sarah Beth Phelps and I spent a good amount of time together yesterday and as always, we talk about how amazing our Jesus is and how much we love our lives and also how much we're looking forward to what's ahead, even though we don't know where we're going with it yet. A common topics with us is our future husbands. We have our moments that we get fed up and we're tired of waiting. She told me that she was having one of those days not too long ago and she told God that. She asked Him, "I don't believe he exists anymore, Lord. I don't believe you're going to fulfill this for me. What should make me think that it's going to be worth waiting for?"
I chuckled a bit at her confession. I had had some days like that recently and so I shared with her what He had told me.
I was in the shower fighting with Jesus (we fight alot. He's sovereign and I'm stubborn...not always a good combination on my part). My suitemates always know when something is up because I take like hour long showers. Not that y'all needed to know that, but anyways. I was asking Him the same thing.
"Lord. He's going to be human. He's going to make me cry. He's going to break my heart. I'm going to disappoint him. He's going to disappoint mine. We're going to fight and sometimes not see eye to eye. How in the world is this going to be worth it? This waiting? What makes You think that this is a good idea for me?" I repeated things like that over and over again for a while. I can see my Jesus sitting in His chair (all the men in my family have their chair, and Jesus has one too up in Heaven) just looking at me. He's got this patient little smirk on His face while I'm getting my rant out because He knows I'm not going to listen until I'm done. When I had finally finished, He just looked at me with eyes so full of love and patience and understanding. He already knew these fears before I had said them. He knows how scared I am of failing and disappointing people. He knows how scared I am of being hurt. Again. With this knowledge, He just looked me and said, "Because I ordained it."
He's right. He's always right. We might not like the situations we're in. We're going to fight and fuss and complain. But our lives are His plans. We're simply called to submit and obey. Trust and obey. Obey obey obey. As I was writing this, I remember a journal entry from when I was back on Project. I was so on fire for Jesus that I wrote something like, "Lord, I don't care. I just want to bring You glory. Take me where You want. I don't care if I'm sleep deprived, stressed out, angry or any other negative emotion...I just want it to be about You." I found this journal entry at the end of last semester and I couldn't help but laugh. Everyone that knows me knows that last semester tried to kill me. But God just wanted to bring Himself glory. I brought myself before Him like a sacrifice and He took my words literally. I learned so much and I'm so glad that some of that stuff happened because I learned lessons and grew immensely spiritually and emotionally. We just have to get off of our butts and make it through the day. That's all He asks. He'll take care of the rest of it.
That was not even the reason I was planning on writing this entry. Haha. But I just got off on that tangent I guess. I've been thinking about how good my life is recently. How utterly BLESSED I am. And how much I don't deserve any of it. It's insane that I get any good thing, much less the THOUSANDS of good things I get every day. Every single day. Sarah Beth and I took off in her car and went for a drive with the windows down on Highway 70 last night just cause we could. It was a gorgeous night. I saw one of the most beautiful sunsets across a beautiful pasture that I had seen since coming back from Clearwater. The sky kept changing into different shades of blue and I was continually amazed about how beautiful our Savior is. The air was so cool and fresh and clean that I loved the smell, the taste and the sound of it. I had one of the biggest blessings in my life sitting to my left driving her car, a Diet Coke in the cup holder, good Mexican food in my belly and The Goo Goo Dolls on the stereo. A girl can't ask for more. I kept thinking that I am the luckiest person in the world. I am currently sitting in DH Hill library with a bookbag full of books, a BookStack Mocha sitting beside me and an empty water bottle. I'm wearing a Meredith College T-Shirt and I'm currently barefoot. There are few countries that have clean running water. I can choose to walk around barefoot because we live in a clean environment. Or I can pull my Rainbows out of my bookbag if I wanted to, because I'm blessed with parents that selflessly provide for me. I've lived off of coffee the last two and half weeks because these same parents send me to the university of my choice to get an education. Being a woman, that could easily be unheard of. I have been getting and sending text messages every five minutes today because for some reason, I have people in my life that love me, even though I am flawed beyond all repair. I have my earphones plugged into my computer and am listening to a Phil Wickham CD on iTunes. His songs are talking about how much my Savior loved me. He didn't have to love me. He doesn't have to forgive me daily. But He does. I can't fathom that kind of love or patience. I look at the girls that I lead in Bible Study and I want to give them the world on a silver platter. If I could ever figure out how to do it, I would. In a heartbeat. Without second guessing myself at all. But I am constantly overwhelmed at how many of them there are and how few minutes there are in the day. My Jesus isn't like that. It would be so much easier for Him to turn around and walk away, but He doesn't. No matter how many times I do, He doesn't.
At what other point in my life am I going to be able to just blow off life and get in the car with Sarah Beth and just ride for the sake of driving? At what other point in my life can I take off to Kentucky for a weekend because I just need a hug from my Ra Baby? When else can I make my own plans for the summer without consulting anyone else? I'm the lucky one. I'm so lucky. My life might be ridiculous...I might be ridiculous...but I'm also so blessed.
A question was posed to be yesterday that I found interesting:
"Will you ever date someone that your (Bible Study) girls don't approve of?"
My answer was simple: Never.
I have to be an example. I want to be an example. My girls love me and cherish me (for reasons I don't understand) and they want to see me happy one day, and the guy I date I want to be a part of their lives too. We're all one big, crazy package deal. The same with my family. They have to approve too. I come with strings attached. It's that simple. Why am I the lucky one to know these girls? To love these girls? To see their beautiful faces and hug their beautiful necks at least once a week? Why do I get the privelege of praying for them? Of having them love me back? I have broken promises to them and probably disappointed them. But they keep coming back. Their laughter is like angels singing. At the beginning of each meeting we go around the room and each girl read a verse of the passage for that week. Some days I don't even hear the words they say because the rhythm of their voices blending together saying the words to the Word that I put my hope, trust and faith in is so beautiful. That is what the body of Christ looks like. Some of girls look nothing alike, act nothing alike. I have some health nuts and some that won't touch a thing that says "low fat." I have girls that work out every day and girls that still have no idea where the gym on campus is. I have girls that can quote you whole books of the Bible and a few girls that received their first Bible this year at Crusade. But they make up my heart. They make up "my girls" that I never stop talking about. They are each more beautiful than I can ever describe. I will never understand why I have them in my life. There's no reason that I should be that blessed.
The same with my Project Family. Why do I have them? Why do they love me? They've seen every version that Rebekah Sanderson has to offer...and they send me "I love you" text messages every day. It doesn't make sense. I don't know why God smiles on me. I can't count my blessings. It's impossible. There aren't enough numbers.
I'm the lucky one.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Kentucky--Spring Break 2009
I am happy to report that I am typing this from Julia Philips' couch in Richmond, Kentucky about 20 minutes outside of Lexington! After the longest 8 hour drive in the history of the world, I am so excited to finally be here. I've heard so much about Richmond and EKU and Bernam Dorm and all that that it's great to be here and see it for myself. The black and red theme of JAB's house, the FRIEND wall in Ra and Trash's dorm, Whit's beads, meeting David, Becca, Ashley, Emily Hayden, Mckenzie and all of these other people that I hear stories about and see pictures and videos of are finally in the same room with me. Maybe I'm just weird like that but this is a big deal.
---
I saved that as a draft and now I am coming back later to finish up about my adventures around EKU.
Wednesday was my traveling day. Driving eight hours straight from Raleigh, North Carolina to Richmond, Kentucky was crazy. Through Virginia, West Virginia and Kentucky was my route. Apparently it's the long way. Oh well, I'll know better next time. I arrived at Julia's house just before 7:00 pm and hung out with her and David for a bit. Then we ventured over to Bernam Dorm to see my girls :D Them and their crazy noise complaints. Haha. Whit and Laura had to go to Bible Study with Julia so I got some JBo time. Jordan and I were in the same Bible Study this summer and therefore know everything about one another. It was so encouraging to have some catch up time with her and be an encouragment to one another and just hang out. Due to my extensive traveling that day, I was exhausted so I decided a nap was needed with Blankie. Ashley soon came and jumped on me because she was done with her workout but I've never been happier to wake up and see her beautiful face before me. About an hour later and after some catch up time with ARiggs, Bible Study was over and it was time for me to hit the sack back at Julia's place.
Thursday: I slept in (which felt amazing) and then hung out at the house all day. Being lazy and watching a movie felt great. Julia, David and I then went to WalMart to have my FLAT TIRE (boooo) looked at. That was a fun hour and a half in WalMart...or not. But it's all good because it's over. No biggie. Then Julia and I went out to dinner with the Bible Study that she's in and I got to meet all of her girls. They were so warm and welcoming. I loved meeting them and being part of her world. That was one of the biggest things for me this week is just really diving into my friends worlds and seeing what their lives are like when I'm not there. I like knowing that they are all taken care of and that they are happy, and this road trip solidified that for me.
Anyways, after dinner at Applebee's we headed to CRU. EKU's Crusade is so small. But it felt like a family. That's one of the things that I think that NCSU misses out on because of our size is that intimate brotherhood within believers. Yes, we do strive for it through Bible Studies and going to conferences and meeting new people, but still, when all is said and done, we're still a group of 1200 people. At Crusade, I once again was emerced into a group of people that I've Facebook stalked and heard stories about and seen pictures of but all of the sudden, they became a reality as we're eating ice cream in Downstairs Powell and talking about hanging out at formal. Oh how I love my life. It was then back to Julia's house and we all hung out and played card games and enjoyed life.
Friday: Once again, I slept late (Julia Philips has the most comfortable bed everrr) and did nothing all day. However, I was so excited about the rest of CBSP's arrival that night. Little by little we trickled in and partied like we do. The Ale81's were opened and the laughter was unending. I love my family. The one that I was most excited about was seeing my sister, Hannah. I hadn't seen her since Labor Day weekend in Knoxville. We've done decently well keeping up over Facebook and the phone, but there's nothing like a hug from your sister. I love her so much. It felt right staying up until 3 am talking about crazy things and just hanging out. I can be myself with these people and never feel unloved or unwelcome. I am completely secure in my relationships with these people. The love that we have is unlike any other love that I know back in Raleigh or even in some relationships in Wendell.
Saturday: After staying up til 3 with Hannah, we slept until noon. Whoops. All of Project watched Diary of a Mad Black Woman and we laughed at hard as we could and just enjoyed being together. I love how easily content we are with one another and can just be together and be satisfied.
Saturday night was when the party broke out! It's a CRU Formal y'all! Yeah! We walk in and brought the party. The whole crew went out to dinner at Gillum's which is a sports lounge in Richmond. The food was great as well as the fellowship. Afterwards we headed to the Ballroom for a wonderful dance party! And guess who else was there....GREG RAY! I love that kid. I'm so thankful that the Lord has placed him in my life. He really is like my brother and I just adore hanging out with him and being an encouragement together. I just love that kid.
After we danced the night away and my feet got really angry for the torchure I had put them through, in true CBSP08 fashion, we headed to Steak and Shake! The party rolled over there and included milkshakes and food (thanks JD for splitting a milkshake with me) and we had a great time. But then it was bedtime.
Sunday: Project kids are such heathens. We all slept in and packed up and then headed to lunch together at Qdoba. After lunch most of us headed out about the same time. My destination: Lexington, Kentucky.
---
Lexington, Kentucky
I met Jill Duckworth, Scarlet Thomas and Sarah Woodall at Common Ground Coffee Shop on High Street in Lexington and we had some great quality time together. We're all involved heavily with Crusade so we swapped encouraging stories and talked about evangelism and following up with girls. We even did some digging into the Word for more encouragement...and to help Jill write her paper. There's nothing Project kids won't do for each other. ;)
I was so encouraged to hear about how the Lord is moving on their campuses and through them. He is so big that we don't even realize it. We'll never come completely to the conclusion of actually how big He is. After some good coffee and fellowship, we said our goodbyes and I headed back to Sarah's apartment with her before I went to her church's evening service with her. I loved the fellowship and the preaching at echo (Sarah's service). It was a great time of conviction for me and a good connect time for me and my Jesus. Afterwards, Sarah and I headed to Fazoli's with her college group for some supper. I got the chance to meet a lady named Yulia who is from Belarus. Seeing the light and hope in her eyes settled something in my soul for my brother Petr. It once again showed me how big my Jesus is. In a place so hopeless and unhappy and dark, Jesus still comes through and His message is spread and people have a new meaning. As far as I know, Petr isn't a Christian and so my prayers are with him that he will one day meet Jesus so we can spend eternity together even though we're so separated now.
After echo and dinner I headed to UK's campus with Sarah to chalk the campus to help advertise for their upcoming Porn Nation event. It was the coldest night Lexington had seen in a while and all I had on was a tshirt, jeans, a pea coat and a scarf. Thankfully, I had decided against the Rainbows since I was driving for a while that day and had on tennis shoes instead, so my toes survived. If that didn't prove to Sweet Sarah how much I love her, I'm not sure what will, haha. Like I said, there's nothing that Project kids won't do for one another. We then headed back to Sarah's house where sleep was sought after quickly as we bundled up under the blankets to try to escape the cold temperatures.
The morning came soon and it was time to move on from my adventures in Kentucky. With a sad smile on my face, I knew that it was going to be all right because I had great things ahead of me despite the amazing things that I was leaving behind.
---
I saved that as a draft and now I am coming back later to finish up about my adventures around EKU.
Wednesday was my traveling day. Driving eight hours straight from Raleigh, North Carolina to Richmond, Kentucky was crazy. Through Virginia, West Virginia and Kentucky was my route. Apparently it's the long way. Oh well, I'll know better next time. I arrived at Julia's house just before 7:00 pm and hung out with her and David for a bit. Then we ventured over to Bernam Dorm to see my girls :D Them and their crazy noise complaints. Haha. Whit and Laura had to go to Bible Study with Julia so I got some JBo time. Jordan and I were in the same Bible Study this summer and therefore know everything about one another. It was so encouraging to have some catch up time with her and be an encouragment to one another and just hang out. Due to my extensive traveling that day, I was exhausted so I decided a nap was needed with Blankie. Ashley soon came and jumped on me because she was done with her workout but I've never been happier to wake up and see her beautiful face before me. About an hour later and after some catch up time with ARiggs, Bible Study was over and it was time for me to hit the sack back at Julia's place.
Thursday: I slept in (which felt amazing) and then hung out at the house all day. Being lazy and watching a movie felt great. Julia, David and I then went to WalMart to have my FLAT TIRE (boooo) looked at. That was a fun hour and a half in WalMart...or not. But it's all good because it's over. No biggie. Then Julia and I went out to dinner with the Bible Study that she's in and I got to meet all of her girls. They were so warm and welcoming. I loved meeting them and being part of her world. That was one of the biggest things for me this week is just really diving into my friends worlds and seeing what their lives are like when I'm not there. I like knowing that they are all taken care of and that they are happy, and this road trip solidified that for me.
Anyways, after dinner at Applebee's we headed to CRU. EKU's Crusade is so small. But it felt like a family. That's one of the things that I think that NCSU misses out on because of our size is that intimate brotherhood within believers. Yes, we do strive for it through Bible Studies and going to conferences and meeting new people, but still, when all is said and done, we're still a group of 1200 people. At Crusade, I once again was emerced into a group of people that I've Facebook stalked and heard stories about and seen pictures of but all of the sudden, they became a reality as we're eating ice cream in Downstairs Powell and talking about hanging out at formal. Oh how I love my life. It was then back to Julia's house and we all hung out and played card games and enjoyed life.
Friday: Once again, I slept late (Julia Philips has the most comfortable bed everrr) and did nothing all day. However, I was so excited about the rest of CBSP's arrival that night. Little by little we trickled in and partied like we do. The Ale81's were opened and the laughter was unending. I love my family. The one that I was most excited about was seeing my sister, Hannah. I hadn't seen her since Labor Day weekend in Knoxville. We've done decently well keeping up over Facebook and the phone, but there's nothing like a hug from your sister. I love her so much. It felt right staying up until 3 am talking about crazy things and just hanging out. I can be myself with these people and never feel unloved or unwelcome. I am completely secure in my relationships with these people. The love that we have is unlike any other love that I know back in Raleigh or even in some relationships in Wendell.
Saturday: After staying up til 3 with Hannah, we slept until noon. Whoops. All of Project watched Diary of a Mad Black Woman and we laughed at hard as we could and just enjoyed being together. I love how easily content we are with one another and can just be together and be satisfied.
Saturday night was when the party broke out! It's a CRU Formal y'all! Yeah! We walk in and brought the party. The whole crew went out to dinner at Gillum's which is a sports lounge in Richmond. The food was great as well as the fellowship. Afterwards we headed to the Ballroom for a wonderful dance party! And guess who else was there....GREG RAY! I love that kid. I'm so thankful that the Lord has placed him in my life. He really is like my brother and I just adore hanging out with him and being an encouragement together. I just love that kid.
After we danced the night away and my feet got really angry for the torchure I had put them through, in true CBSP08 fashion, we headed to Steak and Shake! The party rolled over there and included milkshakes and food (thanks JD for splitting a milkshake with me) and we had a great time. But then it was bedtime.
Sunday: Project kids are such heathens. We all slept in and packed up and then headed to lunch together at Qdoba. After lunch most of us headed out about the same time. My destination: Lexington, Kentucky.
---
Lexington, Kentucky
I met Jill Duckworth, Scarlet Thomas and Sarah Woodall at Common Ground Coffee Shop on High Street in Lexington and we had some great quality time together. We're all involved heavily with Crusade so we swapped encouraging stories and talked about evangelism and following up with girls. We even did some digging into the Word for more encouragement...and to help Jill write her paper. There's nothing Project kids won't do for each other. ;)
I was so encouraged to hear about how the Lord is moving on their campuses and through them. He is so big that we don't even realize it. We'll never come completely to the conclusion of actually how big He is. After some good coffee and fellowship, we said our goodbyes and I headed back to Sarah's apartment with her before I went to her church's evening service with her. I loved the fellowship and the preaching at echo (Sarah's service). It was a great time of conviction for me and a good connect time for me and my Jesus. Afterwards, Sarah and I headed to Fazoli's with her college group for some supper. I got the chance to meet a lady named Yulia who is from Belarus. Seeing the light and hope in her eyes settled something in my soul for my brother Petr. It once again showed me how big my Jesus is. In a place so hopeless and unhappy and dark, Jesus still comes through and His message is spread and people have a new meaning. As far as I know, Petr isn't a Christian and so my prayers are with him that he will one day meet Jesus so we can spend eternity together even though we're so separated now.
After echo and dinner I headed to UK's campus with Sarah to chalk the campus to help advertise for their upcoming Porn Nation event. It was the coldest night Lexington had seen in a while and all I had on was a tshirt, jeans, a pea coat and a scarf. Thankfully, I had decided against the Rainbows since I was driving for a while that day and had on tennis shoes instead, so my toes survived. If that didn't prove to Sweet Sarah how much I love her, I'm not sure what will, haha. Like I said, there's nothing that Project kids won't do for one another. We then headed back to Sarah's house where sleep was sought after quickly as we bundled up under the blankets to try to escape the cold temperatures.
The morning came soon and it was time to move on from my adventures in Kentucky. With a sad smile on my face, I knew that it was going to be all right because I had great things ahead of me despite the amazing things that I was leaving behind.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Hello World
Good afternoon friends.
I'm currently sitting in Talley Student Center attempting to delay homework and other productive things and I decided that I needed a blog. I cannot promise how much I will ever use this thing due to time and privacy, but it couldn't hurt to have it. I wish I had started one during Clearwater to document my life this summer and where my Jesus took me on that journey. Oh well. Coulda, shoulda, woulda right?
This will probably simply be an outlet for me. Somewhere to post what the Lord is teaching me currently, where He is leading me, what I am reflecting on, that kind of thing. I used to journal daily when I was younger and still do every now and again, but typing is faster and I rarely part with my computer, so an online thing seemed appropriate.
All sorts of ideas have popped into my head since I pushed "create" for this thing about what I can say to people that don't have something better to do other than to read my rambles, but my Spanish book seems to be unforgivingly staring me in the face so I think I'll hop on that before I start this adventure here.
I'm currently sitting in Talley Student Center attempting to delay homework and other productive things and I decided that I needed a blog. I cannot promise how much I will ever use this thing due to time and privacy, but it couldn't hurt to have it. I wish I had started one during Clearwater to document my life this summer and where my Jesus took me on that journey. Oh well. Coulda, shoulda, woulda right?
This will probably simply be an outlet for me. Somewhere to post what the Lord is teaching me currently, where He is leading me, what I am reflecting on, that kind of thing. I used to journal daily when I was younger and still do every now and again, but typing is faster and I rarely part with my computer, so an online thing seemed appropriate.
All sorts of ideas have popped into my head since I pushed "create" for this thing about what I can say to people that don't have something better to do other than to read my rambles, but my Spanish book seems to be unforgivingly staring me in the face so I think I'll hop on that before I start this adventure here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg){kind=small}